Today I heard that Buffalo Bills football player Damar Hamlin, the 24-year-old safety who suffered from cardiac arrest on the field in Cincinnati on Monday night, is making improvements at that city’s major medical center. He’s apparently awake and communicating with hospital staff.
While that’s great news for him, his family and football fans across the country, it brought me back to the day when my son, who’s now 42 (coincidence: his age is now the reverse of Hamlin’s), came home and announced, “Mom, I want to play football.” He was in the ninth grade. He’s now an attorney with a wife and three children.
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a sports fan. However, I have always hated football. I’ve always equated it with the Roman Colosseum and gladiator games, where blood and gore had to be shed while spectators screamed and called for more, more, more!
When that happened in 1995-96, I remember being speechless. He’d played baseball, yes, and there are certainly ways in which players can be injured in baseball–beaned in the head by a ball, broken legs by sliding into a base, collisions in the outfield–but in football, injuries are the rule rather than the exception.
My husband and I finally gave in. He began playing football. Pre-season practice was good for him because it got him off the couch and into some exercise. He didn’t play much in the ninth grade–mostly sat on the sidelines. That was fine with me. But he had a huge growth spurt in the tenth grade. He was now one of the biggest kids on the team. Football coaches love big. He began playing more and more.
By eleventh grade, he was starting. I began volunteering in the concession stand so I didn’t have to watch and listen to the crunch of body-on-body contact as my rather huge son crashed into much smaller opponents. Then opponents began going after him. During high school, he suffered from five concussions. They didn’t have the concussion protocols they have now.
When he began applying to college in 1997, he received inquiries from several football programs. I remember asking one football coach, “Have you actually seen his films? He’s number 72.” “Yes,” he replied, “I have.” “He’s not that good,” I said. “He just kind of stands there and opponents can’t get around him.” “He’s big,” replied the coach. “I can teach him football skills; I can’t teach big.”
My son came to me later that day and said, “Mom, I don’t want to play football in college.” I heaved a sigh of relief. “That’s fine,” I replied. “Don’t do what you don’t want to.” It turned out that the school he eventually attended was reviving its football team for the first time since the end of World War II. He stuck to his guns and didn’t play football.
Now he has his own teenaged son. He won’t let him play football, either, nor will he allow his four-year-old son to consider gridiron antics when he’s old enough. I heave another sigh of relief over that as well.
I had a discussion with my son-in-law a couple of weeks ago. When he and my daughter were looking for a house to rent near Ann Arbor, Michigan, they looked at one occupied by a professional football player. Right after they looked at the house, that NFL player announced his retirement. I commented to my son-in-law that with all the injuries they face, it’s easy to understand why an NFL player would retire. My son-in-law said something to the effect of, “Well, they make a lot of money while they’re playing.”
As far as I’m concerned, no amount of money would bring back Damar Hamlin to his family had he not been heroically resuscitated by an extraordinary medical team in Cincinnati. I’m sure his mother would agree with me on that score. What is a human brain, heart, liver, kidney, indeed, a full life worth? How about five concussions, like what my son withstood in high school?
I know, I know, I know. We cannot wrap our children in bubble wrap and protect them every minute of their lives. But can we at least try to help get that gladiator instinct out of their heads? Sports play a part in helping developing character and loyalty. I get that. But at what cost? Cardiac arrest in a 24-year-old healthy human being? One we see over and over again on television news?
Wanda,
I do appreciate the sentiment. I realize that football can be very dangerous. What happened to Hamlin seems to have been a one-time incident. I am more concerned about the traumatic brain injuries that accumulate damage over the years. However, those players chose to play, and are generally paid much more than you could get otherwise. I hope the NFL continues to reduce the risks to all players. I love the game. I only played flag or touch football when I was young. No amount of tragic accidents are okay. However, the same could be said for automobiles. While it would be great to have sports where accidents never happen, that is not the world we live in today.
I worry more about the young men we sent to Vietnam, Afghanistan, or Iraq. At least in Vietnam, they did not a choice. (I was almost one of them)..I do agree that all sports need to focus on reducing accidents. Well, maybe not soccer. In the professional ranks, I lot of the fouls are more about acting, in my opinion..
Thanks, Karl. I appreciate your thoughts. My husband WAS one of those who had no choice but to go to Vietnam (his draft number was 20). He was a conscientious objector but was sent anyway. Ironically, his mother wouldn’t let him play sports (except tennis–she was part of the country club set) prior to his induction into the Army. I agree that all sports need to focus on reducing accidents. I remember playing basketball in the 1960s, and the shoes we had to play in didn’t protect our ankles and feet at all. The shoes we have access to today at least do provide some support.
You make excellent points!
Wanda, I’m glad your son navigated his football playing years without irreversible damage. What a nerve-wracking time that must have been. I can agree that sometimes football does seem like the blood sports of older times. Hopefully, it will continue to improve with better safety protocols. My husband LOVES football and watches whenever he can. If he can’t, he’ll record the games. He has explained the game to me (I was never a sports fan, so knew nothing about it) and now, I must confess, I do enjoy watching the games with him sometimes, especially if the Eagles (our closest national team) are playing. I didn’t see the game where Hamlin was injured, but George was watching and talked about it. I know we all continue to root for him and his recovery. Thanks for an interesting post!
Hi Maura Beth–I hope they will continue to work on the safety protocols. The physical rehabilitation hospital where I used to work was doing research on developing concussion protocols for coaches for children of all ages and all sports. My grandsons play hockey. I think it can be just as dangerous as football in so many ways. I do like the fact that sports teach camaraderie and being part of a team. As I said, I know we can’t wrap our children and grandchildren in bubble wrap, but with professional football players being bigger and stronger, it only follows that injuries come more and more intense. Thanks for your thoughts.
Thanks, Wanda. You voiced my sentiments exactly. My husband moderately enjoys watching football, but LOVES watching the Florida Gators play. He was captain of the tennis team at UF and enjoys taking our sons to the football games there. He and I have this discussion about football being a blood sport at least once a year and wind up going to our respective corners until we cool down. Karl made some excellent points, and so does Bill, but I still find the game offensive because of the traumatic brain injuries and incidents like Damar Hamlin’s cardiac arrest. I’m glad you made the point that the injuries don’t only happen to men being paid millions to play, but to kids in high school and college whose entire future is at risk. I’m glad your son decided to stop playing when he did. Blessings.
I’m happy I had daughters and didn’t have to worry about them getting hurt participating in sports. My daughters aren’t athletic. They take after me, although I enjoyed tennis when I was younger, and now I enjoy swimming. My older daughter loves to swim. I would have been as nervous as you if one of my children wanted to play football.
Hi Wanda,
Yes, I read about the football accident in the newspapers I subscribed to on the internet.
I must admit that I love football. I enjoy watching it. It is a hard sport, but I think soccer is the same way.
I hear what you’re saying, and I will definitely not try and change your mind. If your family is happy with that, then I say go for it.
Take care.
Shalom aleichem
Hi, Wanda!
I’m a little late to the discussion, but I agree that football is a dangerous sport. I don’t have a son but if I had, football would’ve been the source of bitter disagreement between my husband and myself. Hubby loves football. Unfortunately he wasn’t big enough or talented enough to play himself.
Days have passed and Damar Hamlin seems to be improving. I hope he doesn’t go back to the game, but with the small amount of seniority he has and the limited benefits, he may need to.
From what I’m told his heart attack was the result of a freak accident that couldn’t likely happen to him again, but the trauma could harm him mentally making it impossible for him to play football at one-hundred percent going forward.
Hi, Wanda!
I’m a little late to the discussion, but I agree that football is a dangerous sport. I don’t have a son but if I had, football would’ve been the source of bitter disagreement between my husband and myself. Hubby loves football. Unfortunately he wasn’t big enough or talented enough to play himself.
Days have passed and Damar Hamlin seems to be improving. I hope he doesn’t go back to the game, but with the small amount of seniority he has and the limited benefits, he may need to.
From what I’m told his heart attack was the result of a freak accident that couldn’t likely happen to him again, but the trauma could harm him mentally making it impossible for him to won’t play football at one-hundred percent going forward.
Hi, Wanda! I was shocked to see that young man fall to the ground the way he did. I couldn’t start praying for him quick enough. One of the reasons I am so glad that I didn’t have sons, was because I wanted to steer clear of the fear of sports. Then, I have this daughter (6’3) who is the son my husband never had. All though she is a girlie-girl, she is the son he didn’t have. She is a volleyball player, and like you, a coach once said to me when she was just getting started in 5th grade (and was tall eve then), “We need her. I can teach skill. I cannot teach height.” Because her reach off the ground (her vertical jump) was 11.06, I always feared she was going to come down the wrong way. I mean, in my mind, I marvel at how high she jumps, but, the fear of the impact of coming down from that, always tore my heart to pieces. The thought. Although she doesn’t play in college anymore, she coaches the sport and when I see her on the sidelines, she is still jumping out of control, and I still worry about her coming down.
Wanda, I don’t know what’s going on in our world that our children, even younger than 24, are just dropping on sports fields around the country. What is going on?
All we can do is continue to pray for our babies, and then hope that we won’t be around to see them come down as hard as they sometimes do. At least… that is my prayer. Take me first, Lord.
Great post, Wanda!
Hi Wanda, I’m playing catch-up! All I can say is I had it easy in comparison because I had a girl. My biggest concern involved two years worth of cheerleading. Sure, there was soccer, but she wasn’t that into it, so we didn’t have too much to worry about like the parents of football players do. I’m so glad everything turned out ok for your son AND Damar Hamlin! : )
Best wishes,
Donna M. Atwood
D.M. Atwood
https://www.dmatwood.com
My son was fearless even though he was the smallest and the youngest. Thankfully he didn’t make a career out of it either. He got the usual scrapes and bruises that sent me into a tailspin. But that’s what boys do. It’s just who they are. I’m glad your son didn’t make a career of it as well.
Nice story, Wanda.